Just before the summer of 2007 Ray and I discussed, for the first time really, having children. I had always figured that I did not want children mostly because I was afraid I would not make the best mother and I knew that you have to make a lot of accommodations to your life when you become a parent. However, that year I had found myself working at my mother's preschool and attending massage school. I knew I would graduate by the end of the year and had grown comfortable with my ability to interact and care for children. Working with my mother I found I was actually quite good at it.
At almost 24 years old I made the decision that children would definitely be in my future. Now to tell Ray... When I sat down with him and told him that I would like to start trying for a baby soon he was... thrilled actually. He had known that I had not previously wanted to and just assumed I would not change my mind. He had wanted children but never made a fuss about it to me and married me anyway despite knowing my opposing stance on the subject.
So, there we were planning it all out. We both were attending massage school and would graduate that December. We decided to start trying in September, assuming it would take a few months, and were expecting a baby to arrive in our lives sometime in 2008. Well, you know that saying "If you want to hear God laugh tell him you plans." That has been the story of our lives...
We went along with our plan and excitedly and nervously began our journey to parenthood. The first two months passed and still no pregnancy but we were not concerned. In fact, we both had pretty fertile families and knew it wouldn't be much longer before success. As we finished out the year and graduated from massage school we were still very optimistic. But when I still was not pregnant in January I had a sinking feeling that something was wrong. I knew it had only been four months of trying but I could not shake the feeling that this was never going to happen. We knew the typical trying time was around a year for a young couple, such as ourselves, before you could see a fertility specialist. And many things that I read said 80% of couples conceive within the first year of trying.
So, we tried... for over a year. Once we reached almost a year and a half we went to the doctor. Meanwhile, everyone was starting to wonder if when we were going to extend our family since we had been married for four years. We had not told anyone we were trying because, like most people, we were hoping to surprise our friends and family. We tried to stay coy not wanted to tell everyone that we were having issues and we were still holding out for a surprise, even for ourselves.
Off to the doctor we went. We started with our family doctor, not wanting to over-exaggerate our situation, I think mostly to keep ourselves calm. She ran tests on us both and concluded that I most likely had a progesterone deficiency. She referred us to OHSU where we saw the head fertility specialist. He prescribed me clomid and told me that I needed to follow up with different departments to help diagnose any potential issues. We were not really given any information on who to follow up with or where to go next so I just took the clomid and hoped for the best. I had a four month prescription of it and took it all for months when directed but I never got a positive test. I was so disappointed. I thought being 25 years old and taking fertility meds I would just get insta-pregnant maybe even with twins. But, sadly no, it did not work the miracle I was hoping for. We felt confused and uneducated about the whole process and really felt that OHSU had just prescribed drugs and dismissed us because we were still young. Time passed and we got busy with our life and new careers as massage therapist, though neither of us quit our old jobs. We were busy a lot but we never stopped trying for a little Davanzo.
By the beginning of 2011 we were more than ready to get serious about having a baby in some way. We slowly started educating ourselves about adoption. We attended a few informational seminars and were motivated to get started. We still never stopped trying to get pregnant but we thought we would like to go after something tangible and if we get blessed through the avenues of adoption and pregnancy that would be great. In September of 2011 we learned that my younger brother and sister in law were expecting their first child in May of 2012. We had arranged for them to move in with us before learning of their pregnancy. We went ahead and became roommates even though it was very tough for us emotionally to get front row seats to their every milestone and excitement. But we were happy for them and knowing what it is like to not have that joy we would not wish our troubles on anyone. Their stay with us lit a fire under our asses and made us get way more serious about accomplishing our goal of becoming parents.
By March 2012 my brother and his wife were preparing to move into their own place with the baby due in May. And Ray and I were enrolled in adoption classes and had once again began to see a fertility specialist. We picked a small office that was close to us and the doctor was amazing. She was so thorough and walked us through all the test and procedure options. We again started with clomid once my blood work came back normal. We did IUIs along with the clomid as well as a mid cycle trigger shot (makes sure your body releases an egg) for three consecutive months. Still no luck. We were headed into our fifth year of trying and still had never achieved a pregnancy and I had not even had an early miscarriage, just nothing. We decided to spend a few months collecting ourselves finacially and emotionally and really focuses on our adoption path. We finished all the necessary classes, paperwork and even got a home-study over the next 6 months. Meanwhile my niece was born three weeks early, on April 22, and we were getting excited to be at the tail end of our adoption process.
The summer was busy and fun and my oldest sister was getting married September 1st 2012. We had a blast helping plan and create all the details and decor for the big day. I was so busy with that and then got some terrible news at the beginning of August. My 9 year old lab mix was diagnosed with an aggressive form of lymphoma and without treatment had very little time left. He had been sprightly and playful a few days before I had found a large lump under his jaw. It was obvious to the vet immediately but she ran test anyway and delivered the diagnosis. We were devastated Because he was so energetic and youthful we decided it was not his time yet and began chemotherapy treatment. I took him with me everywhere, even to work on wedding crafts with my family. The big day rolled around and my sister had an amazing ceremony and reception. We all drank and ate and partied till midnight. It was beautiful. My friend also had a house warming/birthday party the next weekend and again we ate and drank and celebrated peoples milestones.
The day, which was a Saturday, I realized I had not yet started my period. It was supposed to start Friday, the day of the house warming (after 5 years of trying you can pinpoint things to the exact day) but it hadn't yet. Since I had been one or two days late before so I dismissed it and refused to get my hopes up. Each day passed and I had no signs of my period but I just thought that my body was all screwed up and it was just doing one more thing that would hinder me ever getting pregnant. By Friday I wanted to take a pregnancy test but in the past whenever I would test my period would always come the next day. So I decided to hold out one more day. I did not tell Ray I was late that month because I was tired of disappointing him.
I barely slept Friday night. I laid there thinking about me possibly being pregnant and could just feel my heart pounding at the very thought of it. I still doubted it but could not think of a better reason for me to be 8 days late. I got up at 6:30am and snuck into the bathroom to test. I quietly open the box and test. I peed on the stick and went to set it on the counter to wait for it to 'develop' while I finished on the toilet. As I brought the test up and was about to set it down I realized it was already positive...Darker than the control line Positive! I started shaking. I had never seen a positive on my tests, never. I just stared for a few minutes, half smirking, my heart was beating furiously as I thought about telling Ray. I opened the bathroom door and said, "Ray...will you come here a minute?" Never have I seen him get out of bed so fast! He knew at that moment what I was up to. He joined me in the bathroom and we just stood there for 10 minutes just staring and saying, "Oh my God..." We never thought this day would come and now that it had we didn't even know how to convince ourselves it was real. We crawled back in bed and spent the day cuddling, freaking out, and smiling. We were finally going to have a baby...
At almost 24 years old I made the decision that children would definitely be in my future. Now to tell Ray... When I sat down with him and told him that I would like to start trying for a baby soon he was... thrilled actually. He had known that I had not previously wanted to and just assumed I would not change my mind. He had wanted children but never made a fuss about it to me and married me anyway despite knowing my opposing stance on the subject.
So, there we were planning it all out. We both were attending massage school and would graduate that December. We decided to start trying in September, assuming it would take a few months, and were expecting a baby to arrive in our lives sometime in 2008. Well, you know that saying "If you want to hear God laugh tell him you plans." That has been the story of our lives...
We went along with our plan and excitedly and nervously began our journey to parenthood. The first two months passed and still no pregnancy but we were not concerned. In fact, we both had pretty fertile families and knew it wouldn't be much longer before success. As we finished out the year and graduated from massage school we were still very optimistic. But when I still was not pregnant in January I had a sinking feeling that something was wrong. I knew it had only been four months of trying but I could not shake the feeling that this was never going to happen. We knew the typical trying time was around a year for a young couple, such as ourselves, before you could see a fertility specialist. And many things that I read said 80% of couples conceive within the first year of trying.
So, we tried... for over a year. Once we reached almost a year and a half we went to the doctor. Meanwhile, everyone was starting to wonder if when we were going to extend our family since we had been married for four years. We had not told anyone we were trying because, like most people, we were hoping to surprise our friends and family. We tried to stay coy not wanted to tell everyone that we were having issues and we were still holding out for a surprise, even for ourselves.
Off to the doctor we went. We started with our family doctor, not wanting to over-exaggerate our situation, I think mostly to keep ourselves calm. She ran tests on us both and concluded that I most likely had a progesterone deficiency. She referred us to OHSU where we saw the head fertility specialist. He prescribed me clomid and told me that I needed to follow up with different departments to help diagnose any potential issues. We were not really given any information on who to follow up with or where to go next so I just took the clomid and hoped for the best. I had a four month prescription of it and took it all for months when directed but I never got a positive test. I was so disappointed. I thought being 25 years old and taking fertility meds I would just get insta-pregnant maybe even with twins. But, sadly no, it did not work the miracle I was hoping for. We felt confused and uneducated about the whole process and really felt that OHSU had just prescribed drugs and dismissed us because we were still young. Time passed and we got busy with our life and new careers as massage therapist, though neither of us quit our old jobs. We were busy a lot but we never stopped trying for a little Davanzo.
By the beginning of 2011 we were more than ready to get serious about having a baby in some way. We slowly started educating ourselves about adoption. We attended a few informational seminars and were motivated to get started. We still never stopped trying to get pregnant but we thought we would like to go after something tangible and if we get blessed through the avenues of adoption and pregnancy that would be great. In September of 2011 we learned that my younger brother and sister in law were expecting their first child in May of 2012. We had arranged for them to move in with us before learning of their pregnancy. We went ahead and became roommates even though it was very tough for us emotionally to get front row seats to their every milestone and excitement. But we were happy for them and knowing what it is like to not have that joy we would not wish our troubles on anyone. Their stay with us lit a fire under our asses and made us get way more serious about accomplishing our goal of becoming parents.
By March 2012 my brother and his wife were preparing to move into their own place with the baby due in May. And Ray and I were enrolled in adoption classes and had once again began to see a fertility specialist. We picked a small office that was close to us and the doctor was amazing. She was so thorough and walked us through all the test and procedure options. We again started with clomid once my blood work came back normal. We did IUIs along with the clomid as well as a mid cycle trigger shot (makes sure your body releases an egg) for three consecutive months. Still no luck. We were headed into our fifth year of trying and still had never achieved a pregnancy and I had not even had an early miscarriage, just nothing. We decided to spend a few months collecting ourselves finacially and emotionally and really focuses on our adoption path. We finished all the necessary classes, paperwork and even got a home-study over the next 6 months. Meanwhile my niece was born three weeks early, on April 22, and we were getting excited to be at the tail end of our adoption process.
The summer was busy and fun and my oldest sister was getting married September 1st 2012. We had a blast helping plan and create all the details and decor for the big day. I was so busy with that and then got some terrible news at the beginning of August. My 9 year old lab mix was diagnosed with an aggressive form of lymphoma and without treatment had very little time left. He had been sprightly and playful a few days before I had found a large lump under his jaw. It was obvious to the vet immediately but she ran test anyway and delivered the diagnosis. We were devastated Because he was so energetic and youthful we decided it was not his time yet and began chemotherapy treatment. I took him with me everywhere, even to work on wedding crafts with my family. The big day rolled around and my sister had an amazing ceremony and reception. We all drank and ate and partied till midnight. It was beautiful. My friend also had a house warming/birthday party the next weekend and again we ate and drank and celebrated peoples milestones.
The day, which was a Saturday, I realized I had not yet started my period. It was supposed to start Friday, the day of the house warming (after 5 years of trying you can pinpoint things to the exact day) but it hadn't yet. Since I had been one or two days late before so I dismissed it and refused to get my hopes up. Each day passed and I had no signs of my period but I just thought that my body was all screwed up and it was just doing one more thing that would hinder me ever getting pregnant. By Friday I wanted to take a pregnancy test but in the past whenever I would test my period would always come the next day. So I decided to hold out one more day. I did not tell Ray I was late that month because I was tired of disappointing him.
I barely slept Friday night. I laid there thinking about me possibly being pregnant and could just feel my heart pounding at the very thought of it. I still doubted it but could not think of a better reason for me to be 8 days late. I got up at 6:30am and snuck into the bathroom to test. I quietly open the box and test. I peed on the stick and went to set it on the counter to wait for it to 'develop' while I finished on the toilet. As I brought the test up and was about to set it down I realized it was already positive...Darker than the control line Positive! I started shaking. I had never seen a positive on my tests, never. I just stared for a few minutes, half smirking, my heart was beating furiously as I thought about telling Ray. I opened the bathroom door and said, "Ray...will you come here a minute?" Never have I seen him get out of bed so fast! He knew at that moment what I was up to. He joined me in the bathroom and we just stood there for 10 minutes just staring and saying, "Oh my God..." We never thought this day would come and now that it had we didn't even know how to convince ourselves it was real. We crawled back in bed and spent the day cuddling, freaking out, and smiling. We were finally going to have a baby...