I woke up in tears today thinking about my little boy. So I feel like this is a good time to share his story.
I found out Saturday, September 15th 2012, at 6:30am that I was pregnant for the first time ever! After trying for 5 years exactly I finally got my miracle! I was already more than a week late when I tested. I scheduled a blood test for the following Tuesday with my fertility specialist (who I didn't even need apparently) just to confirm. Meanwhile, I of course took 3 more pregnancy tests because I still could not believe that it finally happened.
I went in to have my blood drawn two hours before the office closed. The nurses were so surprised to see me and said they would call with the results before they closed that day at 5pm. Ray and I waited by the phone until 5 and they still hadn't called. I was starting to get upset thinking they forgot about me. I even tried to call them but it went to voice mail. At 5:45pm they finally called. I was so nervous and half expecting them to say it was a fluke and I was not pregnant after all. Instead they said, "Sorry it took so long we had to test your blood twice." Apparently I had such high levels of HCG that they had to dilute it and retest. They told me I must be further along than I thought and that I could come in for an ultrasound on Thursday to see the baby!! I could not believe it. Not only was I pregnant but I had been pregnant for a least a few weeks and had no idea.
Thursday went perfectly. My specialist was so thorough and very encouraging. As soon as she began the ultrasound we could see a little sac and 'bean'. She quickly played the baby's heartbeat and said it was very healthy. I was in shock, this was actually happening, I was actually seeing MY baby! She said I was measuring around 6 weeks already and it hadn't even been a week since I tested! We continued to have weekly ultrasounds until I was 9 weeks and then she said it was time to move to an OBGYN where I would stay until I had the baby. It this point they baby looked like a little gummy bear.
We decided on OHSU because they have a midwifery program where I could have a natural pregnancy and labor but would still have immediate access to the latest medical assistance if necessary. I did my intake and paperwork at 9 weeks and got scheduled for a ultrasound and checkup at 12 weeks. Ray could not make it to the 12 week appointment so I took my sister, Shawna. I was beside her every minute of her pregnancy with my nephew and wanted the same closeness during mine.
I met my new doctor, Dr. Nichols, and he was great and straight forward. He said that we would do the ultrasound right away, since that is what everyone wants anyway, and then I could ask him questions afterward. Again, as soon as the ultrasound started I could see the baby. This time it looked like a real baby. Head, arms, legs, belly, FINGERS and TOES! The baby was going crazy and nuzzling into my uterus. It flipped back and forth and waved its arms all around. HOLY COW! What an active baby! Shawna watched me watching the baby and just cried. Through her tears she said this was the happiest she had ever seen me. I tried to not cry too much because I wanted a clear view of all that was happening and just to absorb every moment of my baby on the screen. The doctor did measurements and said that I was measuring at 13 weeks!!! I was already out of my first trimester and it was going so fast! I was so proud of my big, healthy baby.
It was only a few days after my appointment that I began to feel our baby move. It started as just subtle flutters that I could tell were not regular gas or stomach gurgles. And then on the day before my nephews birthday, I felt a big flip! I was getting excited for the big kicks I knew would be coming and could not wait until Ray could feel them too!
We announced our pregnancy later that week to the rest of our friends and extended family. They were ecstatic and thrilled for us. Little did we know that we would only share this experience with them for another 4 weeks. We scheduled a road trip for the 2nd week in November to go visit Ray's family in Colorado. We slept in the car the first night on our way there and stayed with his sister for a few days then drove back and again slept in the car the night before we got home.
When we got home from our trip I physically was in a lot of pain and very tired out from all the driving and 'sleeping' in vehicles. I ached a lot in my stomach, back and hips but I was also growing very fast so I just figured it was normal. I know pain during pregnancy can be normal but looking back my pain was very intense. Once home I had to catch up on quite a bit of school work and felt pretty stressed about missing classes. I spent the next two weeks feeling frantic and just doing assignment after assignment. But the term would be over soon and I thought I will focus on myself and my pregnancy in just 3 more weeks. Looking back I wish I would have realized how trivial it all was.
The Monday before Thanksgiving I had some spotting and unusual (TMI ahead) green discharge. I called hospital and spoke with a nurse. She assured me that this was common and that unless I had a fever or severe pain or heavy bleeding that it was nothing to worry about. I felt very uneasy still after talking to her but the spotting subsided for the most part and I was managing with my usual pain pretty well. Then on Thursday, Thanksgiving, I had a bit more spotting and mentioned it to my mom. She was very concerned and told me I needed to call them again and see if they would let me get checked out. So on Friday I called and spoke with a different nurse and was again told that it all was very common, not to worry, and since I had an appointment scheduled on Monday they did not think I needed to come in. Again, Friday I had more spotting and it seemed very watery. However, Friday was also the day I felt my baby kick for the first time. I felt three strong thumps toward the top of my uterus. It was amazing to feel just how strong our baby was!
But the spotting continued off and on through Saturday and Sunday. All I wanted to do was make it to my appointment on Monday. I felt so scared but I did not have any of the big warning signs that the nurses told me about so I did not think to go to the ER. I just hoped and prayed that everything would be fine at my appointment. But I never made it to my Monday appointment.
On Sunday night, after a small get together with Ray's family, I headed to bed. As I laid there drifting off I suddenly felt as though I had peed myself. I went into the bathroom and my underwear were soaked. I somehow convinced myself that I must have peed and changed my underwear. After laying down another gush of fluid soaked my underwear again. At this point I knew and my heart sank. This was not urine, it was amniotic fluid. I went in the bathroom to see how bad it was and realized so much had come out. I cried for Ray and told him that we needed to go to the hospital right away. As he got ready I just sat on the bed and sobbed. I knew it was over. I had read so many stories during my struggles through infertility that I knew we were headed down a path with a horrible ending.
At the hospital my suspicions were confirmed. They tested the fluid to be sure and said I had lost all of my amniotic fluid. They did one last ultrasound to see if my baby was still alive. It was. The baby's heart was still beating and their was nothing I could do to save our baby. During all the testing they confirmed that I had a horrible infection inside my uterus and that it was inflammation that broke my water. The only way to save me at this point was for me to deliver my baby right away.
It was like a nightmare that I still cannot wake up from. My mom was already at the hospital with my youngest brother who's appendix had ruptured the day before. Ray left the room to call her and she rushed to me. She just burst into the triage room and cradled me and sobbed with me. I was put in a quiet area of the labor and delivery ward and told I would need to begin the process to deliver the baby in the next few hours. I have never been so scared and hurt in my entire life and I still had to go through the process of pushing out my baby who had no chance of survival outside of my body and now inside as well.
I found out Saturday, September 15th 2012, at 6:30am that I was pregnant for the first time ever! After trying for 5 years exactly I finally got my miracle! I was already more than a week late when I tested. I scheduled a blood test for the following Tuesday with my fertility specialist (who I didn't even need apparently) just to confirm. Meanwhile, I of course took 3 more pregnancy tests because I still could not believe that it finally happened.
I went in to have my blood drawn two hours before the office closed. The nurses were so surprised to see me and said they would call with the results before they closed that day at 5pm. Ray and I waited by the phone until 5 and they still hadn't called. I was starting to get upset thinking they forgot about me. I even tried to call them but it went to voice mail. At 5:45pm they finally called. I was so nervous and half expecting them to say it was a fluke and I was not pregnant after all. Instead they said, "Sorry it took so long we had to test your blood twice." Apparently I had such high levels of HCG that they had to dilute it and retest. They told me I must be further along than I thought and that I could come in for an ultrasound on Thursday to see the baby!! I could not believe it. Not only was I pregnant but I had been pregnant for a least a few weeks and had no idea.
Thursday went perfectly. My specialist was so thorough and very encouraging. As soon as she began the ultrasound we could see a little sac and 'bean'. She quickly played the baby's heartbeat and said it was very healthy. I was in shock, this was actually happening, I was actually seeing MY baby! She said I was measuring around 6 weeks already and it hadn't even been a week since I tested! We continued to have weekly ultrasounds until I was 9 weeks and then she said it was time to move to an OBGYN where I would stay until I had the baby. It this point they baby looked like a little gummy bear.
We decided on OHSU because they have a midwifery program where I could have a natural pregnancy and labor but would still have immediate access to the latest medical assistance if necessary. I did my intake and paperwork at 9 weeks and got scheduled for a ultrasound and checkup at 12 weeks. Ray could not make it to the 12 week appointment so I took my sister, Shawna. I was beside her every minute of her pregnancy with my nephew and wanted the same closeness during mine.
I met my new doctor, Dr. Nichols, and he was great and straight forward. He said that we would do the ultrasound right away, since that is what everyone wants anyway, and then I could ask him questions afterward. Again, as soon as the ultrasound started I could see the baby. This time it looked like a real baby. Head, arms, legs, belly, FINGERS and TOES! The baby was going crazy and nuzzling into my uterus. It flipped back and forth and waved its arms all around. HOLY COW! What an active baby! Shawna watched me watching the baby and just cried. Through her tears she said this was the happiest she had ever seen me. I tried to not cry too much because I wanted a clear view of all that was happening and just to absorb every moment of my baby on the screen. The doctor did measurements and said that I was measuring at 13 weeks!!! I was already out of my first trimester and it was going so fast! I was so proud of my big, healthy baby.
It was only a few days after my appointment that I began to feel our baby move. It started as just subtle flutters that I could tell were not regular gas or stomach gurgles. And then on the day before my nephews birthday, I felt a big flip! I was getting excited for the big kicks I knew would be coming and could not wait until Ray could feel them too!
We announced our pregnancy later that week to the rest of our friends and extended family. They were ecstatic and thrilled for us. Little did we know that we would only share this experience with them for another 4 weeks. We scheduled a road trip for the 2nd week in November to go visit Ray's family in Colorado. We slept in the car the first night on our way there and stayed with his sister for a few days then drove back and again slept in the car the night before we got home.
When we got home from our trip I physically was in a lot of pain and very tired out from all the driving and 'sleeping' in vehicles. I ached a lot in my stomach, back and hips but I was also growing very fast so I just figured it was normal. I know pain during pregnancy can be normal but looking back my pain was very intense. Once home I had to catch up on quite a bit of school work and felt pretty stressed about missing classes. I spent the next two weeks feeling frantic and just doing assignment after assignment. But the term would be over soon and I thought I will focus on myself and my pregnancy in just 3 more weeks. Looking back I wish I would have realized how trivial it all was.
The Monday before Thanksgiving I had some spotting and unusual (TMI ahead) green discharge. I called hospital and spoke with a nurse. She assured me that this was common and that unless I had a fever or severe pain or heavy bleeding that it was nothing to worry about. I felt very uneasy still after talking to her but the spotting subsided for the most part and I was managing with my usual pain pretty well. Then on Thursday, Thanksgiving, I had a bit more spotting and mentioned it to my mom. She was very concerned and told me I needed to call them again and see if they would let me get checked out. So on Friday I called and spoke with a different nurse and was again told that it all was very common, not to worry, and since I had an appointment scheduled on Monday they did not think I needed to come in. Again, Friday I had more spotting and it seemed very watery. However, Friday was also the day I felt my baby kick for the first time. I felt three strong thumps toward the top of my uterus. It was amazing to feel just how strong our baby was!
But the spotting continued off and on through Saturday and Sunday. All I wanted to do was make it to my appointment on Monday. I felt so scared but I did not have any of the big warning signs that the nurses told me about so I did not think to go to the ER. I just hoped and prayed that everything would be fine at my appointment. But I never made it to my Monday appointment.
On Sunday night, after a small get together with Ray's family, I headed to bed. As I laid there drifting off I suddenly felt as though I had peed myself. I went into the bathroom and my underwear were soaked. I somehow convinced myself that I must have peed and changed my underwear. After laying down another gush of fluid soaked my underwear again. At this point I knew and my heart sank. This was not urine, it was amniotic fluid. I went in the bathroom to see how bad it was and realized so much had come out. I cried for Ray and told him that we needed to go to the hospital right away. As he got ready I just sat on the bed and sobbed. I knew it was over. I had read so many stories during my struggles through infertility that I knew we were headed down a path with a horrible ending.
At the hospital my suspicions were confirmed. They tested the fluid to be sure and said I had lost all of my amniotic fluid. They did one last ultrasound to see if my baby was still alive. It was. The baby's heart was still beating and their was nothing I could do to save our baby. During all the testing they confirmed that I had a horrible infection inside my uterus and that it was inflammation that broke my water. The only way to save me at this point was for me to deliver my baby right away.
It was like a nightmare that I still cannot wake up from. My mom was already at the hospital with my youngest brother who's appendix had ruptured the day before. Ray left the room to call her and she rushed to me. She just burst into the triage room and cradled me and sobbed with me. I was put in a quiet area of the labor and delivery ward and told I would need to begin the process to deliver the baby in the next few hours. I have never been so scared and hurt in my entire life and I still had to go through the process of pushing out my baby who had no chance of survival outside of my body and now inside as well.